Sunday, August 31, 2008 of those...

When I was a kid, my parents, (especially my mom) would always tell me how my sister had to work so much harder than I did for her grades. This was how my mom explained the fact that my sister basically hated me; because I was, in theory, smarter than she was. Maybe it was true. I certainly never studied. I barely did homework and would easily manage a B in most every class. Every class except P.E. that is.

I hated P.E. I hated the way I looked in that stupid gym outfit and I truely and with passion hated running around that stupid track, especially in front of boys. I sucked at any sport we were forced to learn and in true pity party fashion, was always the last one picked for any team. Really, LAST! Adults called me an "underachiever"; Loser girl in my head called me a loser.

Of course with each passing decade perspective changes. I've read enough books, sat through enough sermons and even had enough therapy sessions to realize that we all have different gifts and talents; no one is a "loser'. I just haven't got much inherent talent as an athlete. Like my sister in school, I have to really really work for any tiny gain. And I'm not just talking just about intervals, stroke focus and base building. I still have to work to stifle the voice of Loser highschool girl who took up residence in my head some 30 years ago and has, despite the books, sermons and therapy sessions, refused to leave. Unlike my sister, I don't hate athletes who are more talented than I am. That would be unproductive. I've got my sights set on that damn "Loser" girl in my head.

1 comment:

ShakenFruit said...

Yes yes! I can so relate! I was ALWAYS picked last in gym class. I'm trying slowly slowly to love my body as a machine that can 'do stuff'

Great writing, by the way.